If I dip my head into a barrel of radioactive material whilst holding my keyboard will I become a superhero with musical abilities?

On a related note, does anyone have a barrel of radioactive material I can borrow?

On a unrelated note, I recently "accidentally" fell into a barrel of radioactive material whilst holding a keyboard and my expensive keyboard melted and I'm in hospital being treated for burns and internal tissue damage.

On a unrelated note, all of this was untrue.

Good Day.